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Beat
Hotel, Paris 1962-63
Foto © unknown
Junky's
Christmas
By William
S. Burroughs
Printer
Friendly 
IT WAS Christmas Day and Danny the Car Wiper hit the street junksick
and broke after seventy-two hours in the precinct jail. It was
a clear bright day, but there was warmth in the sun. Danny shivered
with an inner cold. He turned up the collar of his worn, greasy
black overcoat.
This
beat benny wouldn't pawn for a deuce, he thought.
He
was in the West Nineties. A long block of brownstone rooming houses.
Here and there a holy wreath in a clean black window. Danny's
senses registered everything sharp and clear, with the painful
intensity of junk sickness. The light hurt his dilated eyes.
He
walked past a car, darting his pale blue eyes sideways in quick
appraisal. There was a package on the seat and one of the ventilator
windows was unlocked.
Danny
walked on ten feet. No one in sight. He snapped his fingers and
went through a pantomime of remembering something, and wheeled
around. No one.
A
bad setup, he decided. The street being empty like this, I stand
out conspicuous. Gotta make it fast.
He
reached for the ventilator window. A door opened behind him. Danny
whipped out a rag and began polishing the car windows. He could
feel the man standing behind him.
"What're
yuh doin'?"
Danny
turned as if surprised. "Just thought your car windows needed
polishing, mister."
The
man had a frog face and a Deep South accent. He was wearing a
camel's-hair overcoat.
"My
caah don't need polishin' or nothing stole out of it neither."
Danny
slid sideways as the man grabbed for him. "I wasn't lookin'
to steal nothing, mister. I'm from the South too. Florida - "
"Goddammed
sneakin' thief!"
Danny
walked away fast and turned a corner.
Better
get out of the neighborhood. That hick is likely to call the law.
He
walked fifteen blocks. Sweat ran down his body. There was an ache
in his lungs. His lips drew back off his yellow teeth in a snarl
of desperation.
I
gotta score somehow. If I had some decent clothes...
Danny
saw a suitcase standing in a doorway. Good leather. He stopped
and pretended to look for a cigarette.
Funny,
he thought. No one around. Inside maybe, phoning for a cab.
The
corner was only a few houses. Danny took a deep breath and picked
up the suitcase. He made the corner. Another block, another corner.
The case was heavy.
I
got a score here all night, he thought. Maybe enough for a sixteenth
and a room. Danny shivered and twitched, feeling a warm room and
heroin emptying into his vein. Let's have a quick look.
He
opened the suitcase. Two long packages in brown wrapping paper.
He took one out. It felt like meat. He tore the package open at
one end, revealing a woman's naked foot. The toenails were painted
with purple-red polish. He dropped the leg with a sneer of disgust.
"Holy
Jesus!" he exclaimed. "The routines people put down
these days. Legs! Well I got a case anyway." He dumped the
other leg out. No bloodstains. He snapped the case shut and walked
away.
"Legs!"
he muttered.
HE
FOUND the Buyer sitting at a table in Jarrow's Cafeteria.
"Thought
you might be taking the day off." Danny said, putting the
case down.
The
Buyer shook his head sadly. "I got nobody. So what's Christmas
to me?" His eyes traveled over the case, poking, testing,
looking for flaws. "What was in it?"
"Nothing."
"What's
the matter? I don't pay enough?"
"
I tell you there wasn't nothing in it."
"Okay.
So somebody travels with an empty suitcase. Okay." He held
up three fingers.
"For
Christ's sake, Gimpy, give me a nickel."
"You
got somebody else. Why don't he give you a nickel ?"
"It's
like I say, the case was empty."
Gimpy
kicked at the case disparingly. "It's all nicked up and kinda
dirty- looking." He sniffed suspiciously. "How come
it stink like that? Mexican leather?"
"So
am I in the leather business?"
Gimpy
shrugged- "Could be." He pulled out a roll of bills
and peeled off three ones, dropping them on the table behind the
napkin dispenser. "You want?"
"Okay."
Danny picked up the money. "You see George the Greek?"
he asked.
"Where
you been? He got busted two days ago."
"
Oh ...That's bad."
Danny
walked out. Now where can I score? he thought. George the Greek
had lasted so long, Danny thought of him as permanent. It was
good H too, and no short counts.
Danny
went up to 103rd and Broadway. Nobody in Jarrow's. Nobody in the
Automat.
"Yeah,
" he snarled. "All the pushers off on the nod someplace.
What they care about anybody else? So long as they get in the
vein. What they care about a sick junky?"
He
wiped his nose with one finger, looking around furtively.
No
use hitting those jigs in Harlem. Like as not get beat for my
money or they slip me rat poison. Might find Pantapon Rose at
Eighth and 23rd.
There
was no one he knew in the 23rd Street Thompson's.
Jesus,
he thought. Where is Everybody?
He
clutched his coat collar together with one hand, looking up and
down the street. There's Joey from Brooklyn. I'd know that hat
anywhere.
Joey
was walking away, with his back to Danny. He turned around. His
face was sunken, skull-like. The gray eyes glittered under a greasy
felt hat. Joey was sniffing at regular intervals and his eyes
were watering.
No
use asking him, Danny thought. They looked at each other with
the hatred of disappointment.
"Guess
you heard about George the Greek," Danny said.
"Yeah.
I heard. You been up to 103rd?"
"
Yeah. Just came from there. Nobody around."
"Nobody
around anyplace," Joey said. "I can't even score for
goofballs."
"Well,
Merry Christmas, Joey. See you."
"Yeah.
See you."
DANNY
WAS walking fast. He had remembered a croaker on 18th Street.
Of course the croaker had told him not to come back. Still, it
was worth trying.
A
brownstone house with a card in the window: P. H. Zunniga, M.D.
Danny rang the bell. He heard slow steps. The door opened, and
the doctor looked at Danny with bloodshot brown eyes. He was weaving
slightly and supported his plumb body against the doorjamb. His
face was smooth, Latin, the little red mouth slack. He said nothing.
He just leaned there, looking at Danny.
Goddammed
alcoholic, Danny thought. He smiled.
"Merry
Christmas, Doctor."
The
doctor did not reply.
"You
remember me, Doctor." Danny tried to edge past the doctor,
into the house.
"I'm sorry to trouble you on Christmas Day, but I've suffered
another attack."
"Attack?"
"Yes.
Facial neuralgia." Danny twisted one side of his face into
a horrible grimace. The doctor recoiled slightly, and Danny pushed
into the dark hallway.
"Better
shut the door or you'll be catching cold," he said jovially,
shoving the door shut.
The
doctor looked at him, his eyes focusing visibly. "I can't
give you a prescription," he said.
"But
Doctor, this is a legitimate condition. An emergency, you understand."
"
No prescription. Impossible. It's against the law."
"
You took an oath, Doctor. I'm in agony." Danny's voice shot
up to a hysterical grating whine.
The
doctor winced and passed a hand over his forehead.
"Let
me think. I can give you one quarter-grain tablet. That's all
I have in the house."
"But,
Doctor - a quarter G ...."
The
doctor stopped him. "If your condition is legitimate, you
will not need more. If it isn't, I don't want anything to do with
you. Wait right here."
The
doctor weaved down the hall, leaving a wake of alcoholic breath.
He came back and dropped a tablet into Danny's hand. Danny wrapped
the tablet in a piece of paper and tucked it away.
"
There is no charge." The doctor put his hand on the doorknob.
"And now, my dear ..."
"But,
Doctor - can't you object the medication?"
"No.
You will obtain longer relief in using orally. Please not to return."
The doctor opened the door.
Well,
this will take the edge off, and I still have money to put down
on a room, Danny thought.
He
knew a drugstore that sold needles without question. He bought
a 26-gauge insulin needle and eyedropper, which he selected carefully,
rejecting models with a curved dropper or a thick end. Finally
he bought a baby pacifier, to use instead of the bulb. He stopped
in the Automat and stole a teaspoon.
Danny
put down two dollars on a six-dollar-a-week room in the West Forties,
where he knew the landlord. He bolted the door and put his spoon,
needle and dropper on a table by the bed. He dropped the tablet
in the spoon and covered it with a dropperful of water. He held
a match under the spoon until the tablet dissolved. He tore a
strip of paper, wet it and wrapped it around the end of the dropper,
fitting the needle over the wet paper to make an airtight connection.
He dropped a piece of lint from his pocket into the spoon and
sucked the liquid into the dropper through the needle, holding
the needle in the lint to take up the last drop.
Danny's
hands trembled with excitement and his breath was quick. With
a shot in front of him, his defences gave way, and junk sickness
flooded his body. His legs began to twitch and ache. A cramp stirred
in his stomach. Tears ran down his face from his smarting, burning
eyes. He wrapped a handkerchief around his right arm, holding
the end in his teeth. He tucked the handkerchief in, and began
rubbing his arm to bring out a vein.
Guess
I can hit that one, he thought, running one finger along a vein.
He picked up the dropper in his left hand.
Danny
heard a groan from the next room. He frowned with annoyance. Another
groan. He could not help listening. He walked across the room,
the dropper in his hand, and inclined his ear to the wall. The
groans were coming at regular intervals, a horrible inhuman sound
pushed out from the stomach.
Danny
listened for a full minute. He returned to the bed and sat down.
Why don't someone call a doctor? he thought indignantly. It's
a bringdown. He straightened his arm and poised the needle. He
tilted his head, listening again.
Oh,
for Christ's sake! He tore off the handkerchief and placed the
dropper in a water glass, which he hid behind the wastebasket.
He stepped into the hall and knocked on the door of the next room.
There was no answer. The groans continued. Danny tried the door.
It was open.
The
shade was up and the room was full of light. He had expected an
old person somehow, but the man on the bed was very young, eighteen
or twenty, fully clothed and doubled up, with his hands clasped
across his stomach.
"What's
wrong, kid?" Danny asked.
The
boy looked at him, his eyes blank with pain. Finally he got one
word: "Kidneys."
"
Kidney stones?" Danny smiled. " I don't mean it's funny,
kid. It's just ... I've faked it so many times. Never saw the
real thing before. I'll call an ambulance."
The
boy bit his lip. "Won't come. Doctor's won't come."
The boy hid his face in the pillow.
Danny
nodded. "They figure it's just another junky throwing a wingding
for a shot. But your case is legit. Maybe if I went to the hospital
and explained things... No, I guess that wouldn't be so good."
"Don't
live here," the boy said, his voice muffled. " They
say I'm not entitled."
"
Yeah, I know how they are, the bureaucrat bastards. I had a friend
once, died of snakebite right in the waiting room. They wouldn't
even listen when he tried to explain a snake bit him. He never
had enough moxie. That was fifteen years ago, down in Jacksonville
..."
Danny
trailed off. Suddenly he put out his thin, dirty hand and touched
the boy's shoulder.
"I
- I'm sorry, kid. You wait. I'll fix you up."
He
went back to his room and got the dropper, and returned to the
boy's room.
"Roll
up your sleeve, kid. "The boy fumbled his coat sleeve with
a weak hand.
"That's
okay. I'll get it." Danny undid the shirt button at the wrist
and pushed the shirt and coat up, baring a thin brown forearm.
Danny hesitated, looking at the dropper. Sweat ran down his nose.
The boy was looking up at him. Danny shoved the needle in the
boy's forearm and watched the liquid drain into the flesh. He
straightened up.
The
boy lay down, stretching. "I feel real sleepy. Didn't sleep
all last night." His eyes were closing.
Danny
walked across the room and pulled the shade down. He went back
to his room and closed the door without locking it. He sat on
the bed, looking at the empty dropper. It was getting dark outside.
Danny's body ached for junk, but it was a dull ache now, dull
and hopeless. Numbly, he took the needle of the dropper and wrapped
it in a piece of paper. Then he wrapped the needle and dropper
together. He sat there with the package in his hand. Gotta stash
this someplace, he thought.
Suddenly
a warm flood pulsed through his veins and broke in his head like
a thousand golden speedballs.
For
Christ's sake, Danny thought. I must have scored for the immaculate
fix!
The
vegetable serenity of junk settled in his tissues. His face went
slack and peaceful, and his head fell forward.
Danny
the Car Wiper was on the nod.
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